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Friday, August 14, 2009

How Can I tell You?

IT CAME OVER ME IN A RUSH..
when I realized...
hey, I'm falling for you already..
oh-no!

Inasmuch as I wanna tell you
how much i really feel...
I'm still afraid,
and scared to let you know...

I guess I'm starting to fall for you.
But i think that I should control myself.
I know I'm loving the right person, yet the wrong one too.

Tell me how...
tell me if you feel the same way too...


Monday, August 10, 2009

ASSUMEra ka kasi eh!

"Ang muling pagtulo ng mga luha"...

let the tears fall,
let them...for they're meant to fall..
swollen eyes,
swollen heart,
who says it'd be alright?


"Hindi ako LOVEmachine"

i'm not a toy,
nor the prettiest doll in town...
i have a genuine heart
that knows no lie..
stop playing with my emotions.

"Sabihin mo ang totoo"

reveal.
unveil.
for the truth will set us free.

"Nagsasawa ka na? O nakahanap na?"

karma ko ba ito?




Sunday, August 9, 2009

Confessions of A Drama Queen

*parang dear joe (ng lovenotes ni joe d' mango)* haha


HE WAS THE MAN OF MY DREAMS, AND STILL HE IS. I never said to anyone how much I liked him. For an innocent kid, it was just so normal to admire someone. You plainly could not figure out until now, on why you had a crush on an ugly-duckling skinny girl, or on a dirty, bully and chubby young lad--haha-agree?-funny it is, to reminisce the good old days.

As what other people would say, sometimes love comes too early for some people, and a little too late for the others. Needless to say, who cares then?--WHEN LOVE AFTER ALL IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THIS WORLD. Whether it comes too soon or too late, it's still that priceless experience and moment after all.

He caught me once, and still trying to catch me until this very moment. This crucial stage is killing me. I still don't know where to place myself. Would I stay on being his good friend, or would I grab the chance of being his girl? The answer, is yet unknown.
After so many years, I never told him, even after we had our communication again. I never failed to remember him. His name, his looks, every vivid memory that I have him. I still hold a key for him in my heart. A space that was never, and will never be replaced. I met a lot of guys in the years that I was not with him. I fell in love, cried, and experienced the aches this young heart could ever have. I just totally regret that I didn't make a move to look for him earlier. I missed a lot from him. The time could have been more favorable for us.

But maybe, that's what we call kismet- destiny. Good or bad? That I do not know. When I was actually ready to open my fragile heart once more- yours is closed and owned by someone I may call a lucky girl. Yeah, she is. She really is. Maybe I was lucky too, for he liked me once. Maybe I am lucky too, for he said that he still likes me up to this very moment. Maybe I am lucky as his girl that I could hear him say the sweetest words, his sweetest voice, his sweetest songs, could feel his care even if we're on the other side of each others' world. I promised myself, that I would try not to let myself fall for him. I still have the good values in me. Interfering in a relationship, is indeed a big no-no. But how could the power of love just took advantage of my weakness? It's as if I'm swallowing everything that I proudly said--I fell in the wrong trap.

What hurts the most?-is making him fall in this situation too. I am currently in the dilemma of still uttering the sweet words, making him feel special, liking him (despite the idea that he's taken), and all that stuff, or just remain to be his friend. I knew then, I was going beyond my limitations. I don't exactly know how he really feels towards me, but should I make him free from thinking about this too? Should I make myself free of this craziness? or should I just let things fall into their right places?

Sometimes, I feel so damn guilty. I know that I lied to him when he asked me if I am alright with this--because I'm not. I can't understand what the real score is. I lied to him when I told him that I am ok, and that I am happy. I know I am, but not completely happy. I don't know why I have to continue all of these things... is making each other happy that bad?? are we prohibited to achieve our true happiness? It's hard to assume. It's hard to admit. It's difficult to understand. But I am patiently trying to understand each detail that's happening.

THE MYSTERY HAS YET TO UNFOLD. Only heaven knows what's for me and my ideal man. Only the future could tell. Could I live inside his world?-that I don't know too. He's like the heavens, so difficult to reach. What chances could an ordinary girl like me have to win a heart of a prince like him? What chances could a friend like me have to win his heart over the girl that he loves? I don't have much weapons against all the mighty and beautiful ladies that fight because of you. I don't have much. I don't have anything but the HAPPINESS that we shared, and the LOVE that I am willing to give you. The boundaries, time, place, hindrances--did everything I think was at the time, or was actually in a different one?



If this is a dream, wake me up.
To hold on, or just to give up...i still don't know...
only time could tell,
but let me cherish each moment for now
I am here to wait...and STAY.




mula kay:
mala- love notes ni
"drama queen"

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Pinoy Language Through the Years

Historians would say that "Language" remained to be one of the world's greatest mystery. If this is still the case as of the present time, we could then say-that over the 6,000 languages worldwide (excluding those that we don't know yet, or we haven't discovered), one cannot explain their origins and how one easily adapts to a certain language.


FILIPINO, TAGALOG, o kahit ano pa man ang gusto mong itawag sa salita ng mga taga-Pilipinas. I may be a Filipino, born in the country, yet first educated with two basic languages- Filipino (which is our primary and national language), and English (american english ito na naging second primary language). Filipino man akong ituring, at Filipino man ang wikang aking ginagamit sa pang-araw-araw kong pakikipag-komunikasyon, HINDING-HINDI ko maaaring sabihing "fluent" na ako sa sarili kong wika.

Ngayon pa lang, hindi ba't mas ENGLISH ang medium na gamit ko? Or let's say, TAGLISH (tagalog combined with english).

The Philippines experienced being colonized
with Westerners and also the Japanese. For 333 years since 1521, Spaniards colonized the country. Our early ancestors were totally in a "culture shock" stage. How could these Europeans just change everything in our then simple, rich, and very Malay culture? Imagine our Alibata (which was beautifully constructed by our ancestors) was changed into a different language but most of the words were based on the Spanish alphabet. Take note, that it was not just the Spaniards who were already residing in Manila, or some parts of the country. The Chinese were already here as well.

Alibata



It was hard for
the early Filipinos to change almost everything that they were used to. The bad Spaniards (emphasize this one for there were good "espanyol" people too before) did not want the "Indios" (pertains to Filipinos) to be educated. And so, only the Illustrados had the chance to learn Spanish. But still, because most of the Indios would hear spanish words from the Spaniards, they normally end up imitating them. They need to learn it, they were forced to understand because their lives were always in trouble, at risk. Through those years, though Filipinos have their own deeper Filipino words that they use, most are borrowed from the Spanish alphabet. I remember, I had six units of Spanish Class last year. In our university, students in the Faculty of Arts and Letters are required to have six units of Spanish Language. It wasn't as hard as learning other foreign language. Learning Spanish for me, is as easy as how I've learned English when I was still a kid. Maybe, because words are very much in common. Example: The word Serbesa in Filipino means-alcoholic drink. In Spanish, they also use the word Cerveza which also pertains to an alcoholic drink. Notice, that the only difference were a couple of letters. That was just a word, but there are hundreds of words that both alphabets have in common.

It was just so sad, that in those 333 years of
being a Spanish Colony, only a portion (I could say) of Filipinos are still fluent in speaking Spanish. I wonder, in countries that they also colonized, like in South America how they were able to preserve the language; is the Philippines the only Spanish Colony which did not make it to preserve their language? (the culture is still here, still alive, but the language has long been dead).

When the Americans came, it was a different scene again. Confusion is really in the air. From a native language, to Spanish, to a language close to Spanish, the
n to- American English? I wonder how Filipino tongue looks like. Well, how flexible we are in adapting language after language, alphabet, after another alphabet. The Americans thought as how to value education- alright, I admire them for that. Our Lupang Hinirang (national anthem) then, was "Land of the Morning". I remember stories from my mom, she would always tell me that when she was just a student, they know different versions of Lupang Hinirang. That they would sing Land of the Morning, then they would also sing the Pinoy version. And that, students then were very fluent in speaking english. Then I proudly shared to her, that we had our "solo concierto" on Tierra Adorada (Lupang Hinirang) last semester for my Spanish class. Now, I can slowly see how our language then until now is so chaotic in terms of proper use, grammar, vocabulary, etc. How could the students then understand each word if they are taught of different alphabets? Notice that the words "Keyk", "basketbol", "korek", "jaket", and many other borrowed words, really bring confusion with its proper English spellings to many students. Couldn't we have our own terms for these words much like other countries would do?

Just take a look at these words. If pinoys then would say: "iniirog kita ng lubos".
Today, Pinoys would say:
Or, if you're a little conyo (haha):




The evolution of Pinoy Language through the years is really quite interesting. From poetic deep filipino words, to a very conversational vernacular that most of this generation (like me) use. Gay-lingo was even invented. And Tag-Lish has long been accepted not just in ordinary communication, but in schools as well. Which, I think our education department should focus on. Yes, indeed the Filipino language is "alive", it's moving, it is subject to change...yet, i think above all...and this is my dream for myself too- that each of us could be fluent enough about our own language.

Nakakahiya mang isipin, na kanina sa aking pagbabasa ng dalawang tagalog-written na essays-nahirapan akong intindihin at bigkasin ang bawat salita...Nakakahiya, na Pinoy akong naturingan, ngunit sa gawa kong ito, mas nagamit ko ang Ingles. Maybe I could be blameless for this, for I have thought of the English language since then. I am used to using english words whenever I compose or write about something.

With the different languages that I have encountered and learned, Spanish, Korean, and currently Mandarin, surely it would take time for me to be that fluent on those. Much as I would have to learn more on English. And most of all, be able to converse as good as I could be using Filipino.

Sa tamang panahon, sa tamang bersyon, sa tamang gamit, sa tamang mga bokabularyo, marahil magiging tama na din ang pagkamalay ko sa Tagalog.

On Democracy and Patriotism: Understanding the Essence of PINOY Freedom

"The Filipinos are worth dying for"- Ninoy Aquino.


I am not a Ninoy fan, nor a Cory Aquino big supporter. I maybe too young to talk about these things, but I guess that the time and the issues the Philippines are currently facing right now, made my eyes open with the need to be aware and the hunger for a better situation of the nation- much like what my contemporaries might also think.

I was not yet born in the year when millions of Filipinos gathered in EDSA Shrine, expressed their ideologies, their eagerness to have immediate freedom, their cries for the years they have suffered from the iron hands of the dictator. They went on hand-in-hand, had a revolt---a famously known bloodless revolt. The first in Southeast Asia to mark its name in World History. Filipinos made name in the whole world with their brave, life risk-taker deeds.This "bloodless revolt" became the world's inspiration to have a mass victory; armless people united with prayers with one single aim: Freedom.


EDSA People Power I paved the way to bring and put to power, Southeast Asia's First Woman President- Corazon Aquino. She was just a grieving wife of Ninoy- known to be a contemporary Filipino Hero. She led the Filipinos to have freedom they have been longing for--much which they deserve. She brought back the democracy of the enitre nation. She was the woman of the hour. She was acknowledged by world leaders for her strength, perseverance, undying love for her countrymen, and more of her prayers and strong faith.

I was just watching the last mass for President Aquino's funeral. Struck by the thousands of people who remained to be her supporters, through rain or shine they were there for her. It was not as bad as it could be that MUSIC has played its own melody and role to the lives of the many. It is today's simplest yet the strongest way to convey to the people what it is to be said. A form of expression that one could easily relate on. During that era, several Pinoy musicians have contributed great patriotic songs, not just to the Filipino Music Industry, but also to the whole nation as well. Name it, Freddie Aguilar's Bayan ko, Tito Sotto's Magkaisa, and one of the most popular - Jim Paredes' Handog ng Pilipino. I remember, when my blockmates I in college and I had to complete a local history of the EDSA Shrine, we saw some important passages written which surrounds that entire block that holds support to the Queen Mother of Peace. One of which is Ninoy Aquino's famous line- "The Filipinos are worth dying for", and another- a line from the song Handog ng Pilipino. Maganda ang nilalaman ng kanta. Totoo, nag-handog ang mga Pilipino ng isang makahulugang regalo sa mundo. Napatunayan natin, na sa kabila ng pagnanais ng bawat isa ng kalayaan, nakaya natin itong makuha sa isang hindi marahas na paraan.

In the previous years, the issue on Philippine democracy has been quite a little discrete. Yet, we don't really realize that we never had the chance to have a consolidated democracy. Naalala ko na naman, I had my Political Dynamics subject, and my professor's big and last question for me was---"Do we really have a consolidated democracy in the Philippines?". I was a little too nervous, yet much more confused. I didn't know what to answer.I had a quick review of the passing of power from Marcos to Aquino to Ramos to Estrada and to Arroyo. And so, I answered "No, we don't have a consolidated democracy in the country sir". I explained further and he just gave me the last glance which means I can already sit. I was happy that it means I've got a good grade, but I was put into thinking that 'why does this country cannot have its full, strong, and solid democracy'.

We are now facing the debates on Charter Change, on being a parliament. I may not know everything yet at the moment about these matters for I have not studied the courses on politics that much, but I can say that surely one has the right to express sentiments and remorse to the dying care of the people regarding the real scenarios of the country. Let's forget about politics first sir, madam. Let's forget about who's corrupt and who's not- for in how many years already, we cannot simply just get rid of them--an illness without accurate cure. Let's forget about saying sh*t things against our rivals, instead just talk about peace and thoughts of wisdom. Let's forget about your future in the coming elections, your new techniques and "pakulos". Let's forget about these things just even for a moment. There are more than these things that we should think about. There are more people who doesn't even understand everything that has been happening to us. Could you further explain and extend to them why they have to experience such poverty and sufferings?--I bet none of you could try to explain them in the simplest way that they could comprehend.



Through the years, Pinoys have their own way of addressing their love for the country, and their sincere advocacy to uplift the lives of each and every Filipino. From Musicians like the late Francis M, Pinoy Rock Icons like Yano, The Eraserheads, Bamboo, Rico Blanco, Sandwich, and a lot more of the contemporary artist- which in their own crafts have included their perspective of Philippines' current battles and situations. Much of their songs are indeed for commercial purposes only, but they were not even shameful of, amidst their popularity to include a little piece of something for their country. Music has defined to be their way of Patriotism. Kudos also to Pinoy film-makers, who on the battle of fighting against piracy and the slowly dying Philippine Entertainment, still have the courage to produce films (much are indies) which are all world-class. These did not just make names for Pinoy film-makers' talents, but a pride of our own. In the past years, Philippine Fashion has also evolved. From Adidas' Pinas version of a jacket, to Francis M's clothing line (popularly the three stars and a sun design; which is inspired by the Philippine flag), to Rhett Eala's Pilipinas shirts and limited dresses (with the Philippine map in it), to AKOMISMO dog tags, and a lot more, Pinoys have diverted their simple concept of freedom of expression- to freedom of expressing one's Love for the Country.

Though Pinoys have changed their way on addressing their love for our dearest country, it remained to be just the same. One message has remained for all of us. Just enough for us to be reminded that amidst all of these---Filipinos still are still worth dying for.

A Million Reasons to STAY patient

Patience is indeed something one could hardly have and express.

In my 19 years of existence, merely there were years of it have made me more open to the realities of life- being happy, getting hurt. Name it, and surely I could share a piece of my experience. I have been through ups and downs, failed and redeemed my dignity after all. I have been the so-so girl one could befriend, and say, "she got one great power to not be frustrated and sad". When in fact, the world has become against me. The things went on uncontrollable, not in line of my true cosmoligical alignment. I have seen myself down, fail, cry, but one thing has been so true to my virtues---I shouldn't quit pioneering. I shouldn't let my failures eat me. I shouldn't let anyone put me down. I shouldn't let any man make me cry once more.

In life, one needs a peaceful, stress-free everyday journey. One never asked for him/ her to experience the most crucial problems, the hardest equations, the most complicated situations---one wants a life that is not demanding at all, does not go over with one's capabilities. Well, who wants a complex life after all?

Though life has the best of both worlds, I can say that at this young age, I already got to experience the best, and the worst among everything. It is never easy, nor there would be in any way life can be that easy. Challenges after challenges, heartaches after heartaches, endless work and learning, and so many more--just with this, life is already at its premium stage of complexity, but what more if one has to experience even worse case scenarios of these aspects? Is there a way to escape? Is there someone to help you understand why certain things should occur?

Patience. Not all of us could have. Not all of us could express. Not all of us knows what this word exactly means.
Patience, requires a unique attitude that not all of the people in this unjust world could have.
Patience is needed in every little thing one has to do.
It may test your sense of "waiting". It may test your tolerance in handling the hardest situations.
Patience is a very simple word, as well as a very difficult act....
Yet, patience is what everyone needs now.
It is what everyone has to learn.



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Now playing: Oasis - Champagne Supernova
via FoxyTunes